South Pacific Morning (Nukubati - Part 3)

We said goodbye to our new friends as they departed back to Australia and headed out in the morning to our sandbar picnic brunch.  Levi took us out to the Mangrove sandbar which at high tide is underwater but at low tide is this pristine private beach with no one around for miles.  He packed 2 dining chairs, a dining table and a large beach umbrella in the blue motorboat along with a cooler of brunch that Sara and Josephine had packed.  When we got to the sandbar he unloaded our picnic components and gave us a 2 way radio so we could radio when we wanted to come back when the tide started coming in.  “Nukubati this is Sandbar :)”.  

The water was like glass which is seems surreal for the Pacific Ocean and there was the kind of silence one does not usually have in a house full of young children.   It was so quiet Keith realized he was hearing the sand dry up.  The only other people were fisherman far in the distance.  They looked to be walking on water but I suspect that they were on sandbars of their own.  We had our usual leisurely breakfast on our red-tableclothed dining table right there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.  After breakfast we walked around our little sandbar and found the entry/exit point Levi had mentioned.  We had brought our snorkeling gear and after a few feet there was a huge drop off but at the edge of the drop off was all sorts of coral and tropical fish.  We went around our little island looking at the fish and coral and then also  realized we could almost as easily see them standing up along the edge.  Keith went a little farther out and say an “eel” when I asked him what colour it was he said “black and white like a zebra” knowing full well that it was not an eel but a sea snake.  It was swimming away though and as Gordon keeps reminding me their venom is in the back of their throat and they are usually very docile and nothing to worry about (this is only a small comfort to me due to my deathly snake fear).  

After snorkeling around the sandbar we read our books under the shade of the umbrella and watched the tide come up.  The little crabs I had been trying to see on our regular beach showed us their regular ritual on the sandbar.  They would come out of their holes carrying armfuls of sand, throw it in a pile and retreat back in their holes.  It’s pretty ridiculous and fun to watch.  The three hours before Levi came to pick us up seemed to fly by.  A magical morning.

My Cup Runneth Over (Nukubati- Part 2)

Every night at Nukubati the staff find you to bring champagne and canapes to watch the sunset.  After your champagne toast to the sun’s daily work we get ready and head to the main pavillion for dinner.  Keith and I have been playing Scrabble before dinner (who knew jape is a word?) and then settle into our lovely evening meal.  

Tonight though was the last night for the other guests on the island and Richard’s 50th birthday.  The people that live and work on Nukubati decided to throw a party with kava (the local drink) and a meke (traditional Fijian dancing).  Everyone who lives on the island gathers in the afternoon and starts drinking kava sitting on bamboo mats.  Traditionally they don’t drink alcohol so they sit around this large wooden bowl (tanoa) that houses this traditional drink of grounded pepper root mixed with water.  It is not that tasty but has a bit of a sedative effect and your tongue starts to tingle.  There was 20-30 people there from the village and they asked us to sit with them and drink kava.  Levi is tall and lanky with an infectious bright smile.  He was pouring the kava and said I could tell him I didn’t want anymore at any time.  He also taught Keith and I how to clap once (Bula!) before the drink and 3 times (Vinaka) after.  After a few bowls of kava and some beautiful guitar and ukelele music Gordon asked us to sit on the chairs because they were going to do the traditional dance.  Levi must have lost a bet because he was dressed as the women and had a long sarong and a flower in his hair.  He clearly had not done the dance before but he was laughing and grinning from ear to ear.  There were many different dances.  Sarah could get everybody moving and was center stage waving her arms and shaking her hips.  As the women (and Levi) danced the rest of the staff/people living on the island sang in 4 part harmony behind them.  It was beautiful.  Then we all sang Happy Birthday and Richard’s cake came and he blew out his candles.  They definitely saved the best for last.

In the last song they sang again in gorgeous 4 part harmonies and then Levi came up with a piece of paper.  You could tell he was a bit nervous but still had this beautiful playful, sheepish grin.  In grand paraphrasing he thanked us all for coming to spend time at Nukubati with their family. He told Karl he was sorry that he couldn’t take him out fishing earlier in the week cause it was windy but that he was glad he caught some fish that we shared at dinner as sashimi (lovely!) and that he had a chance to unwind from the day.  He hoped that Karen and Isabella had a good time snorkelling and laughing together.  He thanked Terry and Richard for celebrating their birthdays at Nukubati (they both turned 50) and how Gordon had enjoyed their evening talks.  I can’t remember great details of the others because Levi actually started with us.  He glanced up from his paper and smiled and said Welcome Amanda and Keith (again paraphrasing) Thank you for sharing your special anniversary with us.  We know you’ve had a hard year, that Amanda put in a lot of work in her medical specialty and that Keith was a very good support to his family, watching over the children (at this point I already started tearing up and Keith said he did too).  We hope you enjoy your time with us and spend some time getting a good night sleep and relaxing.  I honestly, can’t remember Levi’s exact words.  What I remember is his face, his eye contact, the sincerity in how he spoke and in how the people of Nukubati made us feel.  I thought I was going to be this big teary loser but I looked around and everyone was teary.  The staff really listened and had cared about what had brought us all here and were so hospitable and loving.  Sometimes you don’t know what you need til you get it.  Vinaka to the amazing people at Nukubati who truly see us, who care for us, who have embraced us as family - you are everything we didn’t know we needed and we are forever grateful.  

Nukubati (Part 1)

I have been blessed to have the opportunity to be in many beautiful places in my life.  This is quite possibly the most heavenly location I have visited on this planet.  We weren’t here half a day before Keith declared it the best vacation ever.  

We arrived at Labasa on the north island of Fiji the day after we left Melbourne.  We stayed overnight at a very nice hotel across from the Nadi airport as there is only one flight out to Labasa and it’s at midday.  When we got to Labasa a portly man with a wide smile came up to us and said “Keith?  I will take you to Nukubati.”  The bags came into the aiport on a wagon, we got our bags and got into the Land Rover and were off.  We traveled most of the way in comfortable silence. He would occassionally point out things of interest, women coming back from church, sugar cane fields and the local school.  It took about an hour to get to the boat dock. There John was waiting for us, he took our bags and helped us in to the little blue motorboat.  It was a quick jaunt across the water and as we arrived into the beach on the island the staff had come down to the beach and were singing to us in welcome.  They all greeted us by name and gave us beautiful leis made of rope with bouquets at each end.  Gordon, the island manager, brought us into the main bure where there were fresh coconuts waiting for us as welcome drinks. He is a broad man with a wide, gap-toothed smile covered by a moustache.  His eyes always look like they’re smiling. He sat with us, we got to know each other a bit and he told us about Nukubati.  Nukubati is Fijian owned and operated.  Gordon leases it from another Fijian man and runs the resort.  It can accomodate 7 couples but there are only 5 other guests on the island with us at the moment.  Because it’s so small everyone knows everyone.  This took a few minutes to get used to as you usually go on vacation with total anonymity.  Here everyone knew our names before we arrived.  

After our introduction to the island and our coconut drinks they made us lunch.  I thought we might miss lunch because we weren’t arriving til around 2pm but hadn’t realized that at Nukubati you get 3 meals a day but they can be anytime and anywhere on the island.  So, there was no question we would be hungry and have lunch when we arrived.  The reviews I had read had mentioned how amazing the food is here but still you aren’t prepared for how amazingly fresh everything is.  There is a garden on the island and most of the fruits and vegetables are grown here and then the guys that work here catch a lot of the seafood that’s a staple on the menu.  Lunch and dinner have two choices and you usually pick your next meal at the one you’re sitting.  Every mouthful of food was heaven.  I was worried I had oversold the resort in my head before arriving and within the first hour I knew that it would live up to all my expectations.

We then went to our bure which is close enough to the main building to get the Wifi (which put my mind at ease a little because it meant we could ask about the kids - we weren’t expecting Wifi here).  The bures are all set up to maximize views and basically the rooms are all white and windows.  I am currently sitting in the front room and I can see the ocean and palm trees everywhere I look.  There are no keys here because Gordon says "we have not seen pirates in a very long time" :)  I can also see Keith on our own little section of beach.  Every bure has a beach area with 2 cushioned deck chairs and a wide rust-coloured beach umbrella.  These little areas of beach are seperated by neatly trimmed hedges so you fell totally cocooned in your own little space.  The only kick-back into reality is when you hear Sarah’s amazing laugh which can be heard throughout the island.  Sarah serves the meals and she’s this wonderful round mama of a woman with big brown eyes (she has 4 kids, the youngest is a couple months older than Emily).  She served us breakfast yesterday and as we were leaving said “Have a good day guys” like she was sending us off to school.  Like a mama duck looking after her ducklings.

The most amazing thing about Nukubati is how you feel like you’ve just become a part of your own little Fijian family.  Yesterday we had a traditional Fijian barbeque for lunch.  Some of the guests had gone out fishing with the guys and then they brought home their winnings of the day and it was barbequed up for our feast.  We all sat together Fijians and “guests” and ate kassava, fried egglants, octopus, fish, coconut “marshmellows” and sugar cane.  We had “plates” of leaves and it felt totally natural to all sit together and enjoy this amazing food as one big happy family.  I have never seen that before at any other resort and it puts it over the top of anywhere else I’ve ever stayed.  It’s like coming to my Grandma’s house but in a beautiful tropical location.  The tenderness of being cared for on such a personal level is so lovely.  

Anniversary Trip Nerves

We have been planning a big 10th anniversary trip for years. A decade is an achievement and we wanted to celebrate.  It was fate that it coincided with our year in Australia and there were lots of options of beautiful destinations to choose from.

I had been searching for months for the perfect place and found a Groupon (I love groupons) for this private island resort called Nukubati.  It was expensive for us at the 50% discounted rate but everything about it sounded perfect and we decided that was our place.  Cassie, our new favourite friend discovered by marriage (Good on ya Brent) happens to be a travel agent and booked our flights which required a trip to the international airport in Fiji, then on to the north Island where the Nukubati staff would pick us up, drive an hour by 4x4 and then a motorboat to the island.  This was an ambitious first trip away from the kids.  Good thing their grandparents had so graciously offered to babysit.

I was nervous about leaving the kids.  Not because we were leaving them with Keith’s parents because I knew that they would have a wonderful time with them.  Not because I thought they would miss us because I knew they wouldn’t.  The kids love spending time with other people, whenever they have a babysitter they pretty much push us out the door.  The day we left I asked the kids again where we were going and they were so used to the question they didn’t even look up from their cereal “Fiji” they said instinctively between mouthfuls. “And we’re staying with Granny and Grandad.  And we’ll be good”.  No seperation anxiety at all.  I think, on further reflection, I was nervous for some pretty ridiculous reasons.  I was nervous that people would think that I was a bad mother for leaving my kids for a week.  I was nervous that it was too extravagant to take a week-long holiday for an anniversary.  I was nervous that I hadn’t spent a week away with just Keith and would it be weird to be alone without the kids for that long.  All those nervous thoughts evaporated after we checked through security at Melbourne airport.  

The Fathers in my Life

My dad's birthday is always a few days away from Father's Day and so we get to give him a double-dose of love every June.  This year was especially important because my kids' youngest/biggest grandparent turned 60.  So I've been thinking about my dad over the last few days and even though it's not actually Father's Day in Australia this weekend (their Father's Day is in September) I wanted to take this time to celebrate dads.

To the newest dad in my life, my forever "roomie" Paul.  I look at Morgan and my heart is so full to look at a boy with such an incredible role model of strength and goodness.  You think of how much you look up to Papa and that's how he's going to look up to you.  Happy 1st Father's Day to you my wonderful friend - tell Morgan Auntie Amanda is coming...suit up for snuggles.

To the young dads (Dave, Jamie, Graeme) it has been such a joy to watch you grow as men as your families grow.  To see the joy in your faces as you mirror the joy in your children - growing up and staying young all at the same time.

To our special dad close to home (Mike) your reckless abandon of jubilation has filled my heart, my house and my son with happiness.  We are so lucky to have you in our lives and in Cian's life as he looks up to you like you are all of Disneyland in a human being.  It has been wonderful to see you grow as Lizzie's dad and I'm sure things will be even more fun as the Didora-Reid family grows.

To the young dads in our family (Jason, Mat, Mark) - you are shining examples of how dads are not "mom assistants".  Dads who consider fatherhood to be central to who they are as people.  We are lucky to be in an extended family of parent partnerships and your kids are lucky to have such amazing dads that love, support and play with them.

To my dad-in-law (Tom) I see so much of you in how Keith is with our kids.  I am always so amazed at how much of an impression you make while saying so little.  Your "quiet observation" way of being is such a rare quality and makes everyone love and respect you.  When people ask me what kind of man my father-in-law is I give the example of when we went to the hill to visit Sue.  We rented snowboards and I was kind of scared to go down the hill the first time and you walked down the hill behind me and picked me up out of the snow every few feet.  No oratios of advice but always an extended hand and a watchful eye.  People ask me all the time how Keith is so self-assured and I suspect a lot of that came from you.  That grounded sense of self in Keith is the rock of our family and I thank you so much for that.

To the father of my children I could not have asked for a better partner in this adventure called parenthood.  Our children are so lucky to be able to be home with you and your calm strength.  As they develop their roots in these early years of their lives they are blessed to have your love and support to ground them.  Thank you so much for all the love you nurture in our home.

To the men that helped raise me.

To my grandfather - so much of who I am has been formed by you and grandma and the more I grow up the more I truly realize that.  I have such vivid memories of sitting in the backyard waiting for you to come home for "tea time" - you were such an amazing example of work/life balance before it was something that was constantly talked about and rarely achieved.  I remember how much people respected you at your work even as a young girl and I try to be as good at my job as you were at yours by doing what's right, not necessarily what's easy.  And when you came home you never seemed to bring stresses home with you - you walked through the carport into the backyard, had coffee and played with us or tended to the garden or woodshed without a second thought about work (at least in my child eyes).  Throughout my childhood you taught me to be good to people, to live a life of integrity, to challenge perceptions, to nurture my spirituality and tend to my heart which would be phenomenal lessons from any man but are exceptional for a man who had been through so much in his life that should have hardened his heart.  Thank you for all of that - I hope that by giving Cian the middle name "Henry" that some of your exceptional qualities will be bestowed on him by namesake.

To my dad - My kids love this movie called "The Croods".  They love the slapstick humour but essentially it's a father-daughter story.  There are sections that I'm sitting behind them with tears streaming down my face.  The dad has kept his family alive by living by "the rules" and being afraid of everything and then slowly has to change in order to adapt in his new world.  There's this scene where he has to throw his family over this chasm to save them and the last one is his teenage daughter and she says "Daddy I'm scared" and he turns to her and says "Never be afraid".  Despite having been taught to be afraid his whole life and keeping the monsters at bay to protect them he releases her from that and lets her fly.  That's you dad.  I cannot think of a more amazing gift.  Thank you.  Thank you too for being the gentle giant Opa to my kids.  What memories for my children: to bounce on the trampoline in the rain with you, to feed farm animals off a tractor, to sing songs and read stories.  They are so blessed to have you as their Opa as I am blessed to be your daughter.

To the people in my life who have lost their fathers whether you had amazing fathers like the ones I've described or your relationship with your father was tumultuous or painful I will think of you as you work through your feelings on Father's Day and how you might redefine Father's Day as you become fathers yourself or find father figures that might fill your heart.

To the men in my life who are not fathers by choice or circumstance especially two extra special ones in my life : my brother and our friend Kyle.  Thank you for showing my children that you don't have to be a dad to be a good man.  To my brother - I'm thankful that I get to share a dad with you.  You might not want to be compared to dad sometimes but you have a lot of his good qualities and a lot of you I see in Cian so you are never too far from my heart.  It's so good to have an example to show Cian that there are men in the world that experience emotion and don't bury it deep inside themselves - that let their freak flag fly :).  To our friend Kyle, I often think of how some stay-at-home moms have their mommy groups and that Keith didn't have that...but he had you.  Thank you for being the surrogate second parent when I was studying for my exam.  For knowing what milestones Emily had reached when people asked and for calmly changing into a pair of Keith's pants when Cian accidentally peed on you.  Thank you for showing kids that men without kids can love children too.

To the amazing men in my life - thank you for supporting me, my family and my children.  There are wonderful men in the world - these are my examples - please remember to honour yours.

Shakespearean Tragedy

Last weekend we were walking up the path and met up with Amy and her family.  We have an amazing ability to catch each other out and about.  The kids were beyond excited.  Emily hugged Beth. Cian and Reuben started chasing each other around and then the girls started chasing them - it was all good fun.  When the adults had enough of all the screaming and running we decided to collect the children and part ways.  The older kids (Cian and Reuben) and the one who desperately wants to be 5 (Emily) had run down the path a ways because Cian wanted to see if he could outrun Reuben on his bike.  Amy, Michael and I were walking behind and as we looked up from chatting we saw Emily get a  little too close to Reuben's bike and Reuben lost his balance a bit and very accidentally hit Emily toppling her to the ground.  The adults ran to the entanglement of Reuben, the bike and Emily and peeled everyone apart.  Emily was red with tears more out of shock than actual injuries and Reuben was being grilled by his parents for not being more careful (honestly it was an accident and Emily should have been more careful).   Then we all started to realize that the screaming and crying was not all coming from Emily.  There was Cian flushed with anger pointing at Reuben tears pouring down his face "You hurt Emily!!".  He would not be consoled - his kinsman (or kinswoman in this case) had been wronged and he was out to make it right.  With his level of outrage all that came to mind was the fight scene between Tybalt and Mercutio in "Romeo and Juliet" where Romeo says: 

This gentleman, the prince's near ally, 

My very friend, hath got his mortal hurt 

In my behalf; my reputation stain'd 
With Tybalt's slander,

—Tybalt, that an hour 
Hath been my kinsman!


All were no worse for wear.  Reuben made Emily a card with a Tinkerbell and a bike which Amy was concerned might give her PTSD.  Emily promptly forgotabout her knock about until about 10 minutes later when Cian hit her in the head with a rock.  Life is hard when you're 2.  At least she has her brother - she may also sustain injuries at his hand but she can be sure he will fight valiantly that he and he alone can do so.