There have been many days of bike riding since Santa brought bikes for Christmas and New Year's Eve (day) was no exception. After I went into the hospital for a while I came home early and had a bike ride with the kids. Emily is getting a lot better at steering her tricycle and Cian is a pedalling machine. I am really amazed that such a usually uncoordinated kid is so good at cycling. He is definitely more sports-inclined.
After our late afternoon bike ride we came home for supper and some relaxation before our big night festivities. Serendipitously it was the first annual family New Year's Eve party in Footscray park. We often walk to Footscray park with the kids because the path is along the river lined with palm trees and it's a beautiful walk. It takes about 15 minutes to walk there from our house so it was very convenient for us. We packed up around 7:30pm with our matching silver ribbon bracelets and enjoyed the beautiful summer breezes across the river on our walk. Cian informed us when we were getting close because the music was getting louder. There was a big bandstand and they had varying musical acts that were really good. Later the mayor of this area of Melbourne (because Melbourne is made up of suburbs that are sometimes defined into local districts as I understand it) said they expected about 5-6,000 and there were WAY more than that there. That was fun cause there were lots of people blasting their bubble guns, kicking soccer balls and playing cricket and climbing in gum trees (my kids) and in general having fun family time. It also meant the lines for stuff like the shark slide and food vendors were really long. This didn't bother us too much because we didn't need to stand in those queues but I'm sure they will take it into account for next year. Our kids were over the moon that they got to stay up late and their energy was in overdrive. This was ok though because all the kids were hyper and there was lots of space for everyone to run and play - an ideal location. Emily ran over to a nearby blanket to say hi and stood there with her serious face and the dad of that family laughed and gave her two glo-stick bracelets. She was SOOOO excited and ran over to show me and then ran back to say "Happy New Year " and "thank you". She saved the green one for Cian cause it was his favourite but she was very excited and played with them for the rest of the night.
At 930pm the fireworks started (such a good idea to have an early fireworks show!!!) and Cian was totally pumped but Emily buried her face in my neck and was scared of the bright lights. That was until Keith took her to sit on our blanket and we all sat down and Cian leaned over to her and told her "Don't worry Emily fireworks are cool." Then she was ok to watch them. It was a really great show for a community event. After the fireworks we walked the palm-tree lined path home beside the river that sparkled with the reflection of city lights and stars to the tunes of the ABBA cover band. We could hear those fun melodies all the way home to our front door as the kids eyelids struggled to stay open with the comfort of the summer breeze and the dark night. They clutched their glo-sticks as they fell asleep in their beds exhausted from all the fun of celebrating a new beginning. Welcome 2014 - we are looking forward to a year of adventure, laughter and love.
Tuesday, 31 December 2013
Friday, 27 December 2013
Crazy Monkey
We had borscht for lunch today because Keith is sick and I thought it would be good as a "lunch in bed" option.
The kids were having their second bowls and I was telling Emily about how my Grandma used to make this for me when I was little and, truthfully, I was a bit melancholy.
Then suddenly Cian starts off slowly and quietly from his chair "I...like...to...move it...move it." It was difficult for me to understand at first until it continued. "I like to move it move it. I like to move it move it. I like to <hands in the air> MOVE IT!" Then while I was laughing hysterically about this I asked if he wanted me to play the song and he said "DANCE PARTY!!!!
"
He had not been listening to this song or watching this movie at all in the last several days but magically the kid knew exactly what to do to get his mom to laugh and come out of her melancholy state. What a great kid.
I truly believe that the happiness of a home is directly proportional to the amount of kitchen dance parties they have. Our cup overflows over here...in happiness and dance parties. So if you're feeling a little blue today take a little tip from Cian....MOVE IT!!!!
Here's a link to help you get started:
Werribee Open Range Zoo
We are trying some advetures in and around Melbourne over this Christmas break. It's very expensive to travel within Australia now because it's Christmas AND summer holidays so sticking close to home seemed like a better idea.
Today we went to Werribee Open Range Zoo. There are 3 zoos in Melbourne and when you become a zoo member you get unlimited access to all three of them. Becoming a zoo member is an incredibly good deal for us as a family since seeing animals is probably Cian and Emily's #1 favourite activity. Werribee is the last stop of the train line that runs very close to our house so it seemed like a good trial of a longer train ride as well. We took our 30 minute train ride and 20 minute bus ride to the zoo without a hitch. Cian is extremely good on all modes of transportation (has been since he was a baby) and Emily is good if she is strapped into her stroller and constantly entertained by Keith or Cian (the boys seem to be more entertaining than me). We have now been to 2 out of the 3 zoos in Melbourne and I have to commend the planners/designers for doing such an amazing job at making the zoos visually stunning and incredibly fun for kids. Werribee is on the way to Geelong and at the edge of the city so there is more room to roam and as such it's the "African Savannah" of the Outback. There was an 11am "Junior Safari" which was the safari ride (which is included in admission) geared for kids 5 and under. They played lots of music and explained things in kid-appropriate detail. It was great. Cian was totally engaged and would be easily able to do the adult/older kid safari (probably cause he's already done real safaris) but Emily was definitely on the right ride. She is very strong-minded about what she wants to do - I have no idea where she got this (I like to blame Auntie Sue).
So we went on the safari ride first and had lots of space to get up close to the giraffes, zebras, ostriches, antelopes and rhinos (Cian said his favourite animal today was the rhino - he's consistent on his rhino love). It was a beautiful ride and very similar to a real safari - it was great fun.
After the safari we walked around to see some of the different exhibits. Most of the herd animals are on the safari part of the tour but there are exhibits for the gorillas, hippos, cheetahs, lions, meerkats, monkeys, etc. We got to the gorillas during feeding time and the kids were very close (behind glass) to the silver backs which were beautiful to watch (Emily's favourite animal was the gorilla). Lots of the exhibits had multiple areas to view the animals, lots of space for the animals to roam around and cool playground-structure areas for the kids that were themed. This was really neat. For example, at the vervet monkey exhibit they had an elaborate rope course like the monkeys had that the kids could play on. At the lions there was a safari truck that was built into the side of the glass enclosure that you could sit on to watch the lions. They also had giraffe stilts to pretend you were a giraffe - there were lots of really good ideas. What a brilliant move for conservation and love of wildlife to inspire children through play at an early age.
Emily was getting pretty tired in the heat when we got to the last part of Werribee where the bandicoot breeding ground was. She was definitely ready to go home and Cian was still raring to go and wanted to see the "Aussie" exhibit which we only saw a part of. We told him we'd go back and he was a really good sport. We did get to see an original sheep-shearing barn which he really liked. We'll definitely have to get back to do that river trail and see the bandicoot.
On our way back we had a bit of detour on the bus and ended up going to Werribee South but saw the ocean which was stunning and some of the wineries at that side of town and Emily got a bit of a chance to have a nap. I sometimes forget how close we are to the ocean and seeing the wineries definitely made Keith and I want to get to a winery at some point while we are down here. It was a wonderful day merging our new life here with my old love of the African continent.
Today we went to Werribee Open Range Zoo. There are 3 zoos in Melbourne and when you become a zoo member you get unlimited access to all three of them. Becoming a zoo member is an incredibly good deal for us as a family since seeing animals is probably Cian and Emily's #1 favourite activity. Werribee is the last stop of the train line that runs very close to our house so it seemed like a good trial of a longer train ride as well. We took our 30 minute train ride and 20 minute bus ride to the zoo without a hitch. Cian is extremely good on all modes of transportation (has been since he was a baby) and Emily is good if she is strapped into her stroller and constantly entertained by Keith or Cian (the boys seem to be more entertaining than me). We have now been to 2 out of the 3 zoos in Melbourne and I have to commend the planners/designers for doing such an amazing job at making the zoos visually stunning and incredibly fun for kids. Werribee is on the way to Geelong and at the edge of the city so there is more room to roam and as such it's the "African Savannah" of the Outback. There was an 11am "Junior Safari" which was the safari ride (which is included in admission) geared for kids 5 and under. They played lots of music and explained things in kid-appropriate detail. It was great. Cian was totally engaged and would be easily able to do the adult/older kid safari (probably cause he's already done real safaris) but Emily was definitely on the right ride. She is very strong-minded about what she wants to do - I have no idea where she got this (I like to blame Auntie Sue).
So we went on the safari ride first and had lots of space to get up close to the giraffes, zebras, ostriches, antelopes and rhinos (Cian said his favourite animal today was the rhino - he's consistent on his rhino love). It was a beautiful ride and very similar to a real safari - it was great fun.
After the safari we walked around to see some of the different exhibits. Most of the herd animals are on the safari part of the tour but there are exhibits for the gorillas, hippos, cheetahs, lions, meerkats, monkeys, etc. We got to the gorillas during feeding time and the kids were very close (behind glass) to the silver backs which were beautiful to watch (Emily's favourite animal was the gorilla). Lots of the exhibits had multiple areas to view the animals, lots of space for the animals to roam around and cool playground-structure areas for the kids that were themed. This was really neat. For example, at the vervet monkey exhibit they had an elaborate rope course like the monkeys had that the kids could play on. At the lions there was a safari truck that was built into the side of the glass enclosure that you could sit on to watch the lions. They also had giraffe stilts to pretend you were a giraffe - there were lots of really good ideas. What a brilliant move for conservation and love of wildlife to inspire children through play at an early age.
Emily was getting pretty tired in the heat when we got to the last part of Werribee where the bandicoot breeding ground was. She was definitely ready to go home and Cian was still raring to go and wanted to see the "Aussie" exhibit which we only saw a part of. We told him we'd go back and he was a really good sport. We did get to see an original sheep-shearing barn which he really liked. We'll definitely have to get back to do that river trail and see the bandicoot.
On our way back we had a bit of detour on the bus and ended up going to Werribee South but saw the ocean which was stunning and some of the wineries at that side of town and Emily got a bit of a chance to have a nap. I sometimes forget how close we are to the ocean and seeing the wineries definitely made Keith and I want to get to a winery at some point while we are down here. It was a wonderful day merging our new life here with my old love of the African continent.
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Christmas Down Under
There has been heaps (notice the use of the Aussie term) of excitement over Santa at our house this year. The kids have enjoyed all the preperations: making ornaments and garlands, baking cookies and cupcakes and wrapping presents. It's been really fun to see how the anticipation has grown exponentially with two of them.
Christmas Eve this year was spent getting some of the prep work down for our Chrissy lunch feast and making cupcakes for Santa and in general staying at home. Cian's friend Reuben had some cupcakes for Cian and wanted to play at the park so there was a brief outing where we exchanged cupcakes and Reuben made Cian a card (which is unbelievably adorable). We then put on our semi-nice summer outfits and went to Christmas Eve service in a very bright and sunny 28 degrees. A warm Christmas is actually not as weird as a bright Christmas - that seems to be the jarring difference for us. We walked to church at 5:30pm and it was so bright you needed sunglasses.
Turns out taking our children to church at their "witching hour" of 5:30-6:30pm is as disasterous as it sounds. We made it to the shepherds and wise men and they could not sit still. I considered this a personal parenting fail. Keith told me that maybe my Christmas gift to myself would be to ease up a bit. He's probably right. It was the family service - no one was embarrassed about it but me. I believe that Jesus might believe in "it was the thought that counts".
We had some snacks and watched an out-loud reading of "The Polar Express" on YouTube (we couldn't bring all our books with us), set out cupcakes for Santa and took the kids up to bed. This is where the real work began and I'm sure other parents had the same experience. At least I had convinced Keith that we had to assemble the bikes earlier than Christmas Eve (which in retrospect he agreed was a really good idea). We set up the presents and set up the projector for the morning and put wrapping paper with messages over Cian and Emily's "doors" (I use quotations here because Cian sleeps in a fort in the open study so I had to make-shift a door for him. We watched "The Family Man" and then went to bed ourselves.
We went to bed a little late (ie 1am) so it stands to reason that one of the children would wake up in the middle of the night. This is a consistent phenomenon and I'm not sure why I never learn. This time it was Cian. I woke up and heard him crying and realized that, of course, he hadn't come to our room like he usually does because he couldn't get out of his bed; I had gift wrapped him into it. He wasn't fully awake but I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. He wanted some water and wanted me to lie down with him because he was sick. I ended up spending the remaining 4-5 hours of that night on a mattress in a fort. I then crept out of his bed before he woke up. When the kids did wake up they had a great time ripping off the gift wrap from their doorways before going downstairs. The kids came downstairs to a winter wonderland of presents and larger than life falling snow on the projector behind the tree. I had been dreaming about doing this for quite some time and it was so awesome to see it work so well. Both kids ran to the screen and hugged it and yelled "SNOW!!!!" It was perfect.
The kids opened their presents under the tree and they have similar things they like so they were both quite interested in the other's presents. This could have been worse than it was - we are pretty lucky that they play so well together. The Ninja Turtle pillow pet was a huge hit and Emily loved her doll - both were big fans of their platypuses. After all the presents were opened we reminded them there was gift wrap across the door to the garage and they tore it down and found their bikes. Where we live now is the perfect place for the kids to learn how to ride bikes because the bike path is outside our kitchen window and it's mostly flat for long stretches so we decided to get them bikes for Christmas so they could learn. Kids here learn how to bike very early because of how nice the weather is and since most of our year is winter in Winnipeg this seemed like a perfect opportunity. All in all, our little Christmas was a big success.
After our breakfast of "skinny pancakes" (aka crepes) and raspberry sauce and cream we were trying to get ready for the Winters were coming. Keith laughed every time I said that because supposedly it's a Game of Thrones joke. We did not budget enough time to get ready and they arrived to mass chaos. That was probably good cause I think (more like I hope) they then felt comfortable and welcome right away. The kitchen had been clean but after a morning of crepes and raspberry sauce that was a distant memory. Keith was still in the shower when they got here and although Brent would have been used to the Morris chaos from a lifetime of it - Cassie was a particularly good sport. We had an afternoon and evening of great craic (that's conversation for the non-Irish), delicious food and beautiful champagne/white wine/red wine all paired to the food courtesy of the Winters. Interesting note it took us 3 tries to make the pavlova even after I had done a practice run a few days ago with no problems. Turns out that you cannot make pavlova in a metal bowl - there's a reaction that makes it impossible - so that's the secret: plastic bowl. Cassie brought stuff for the kids and both kids were all over Brent and Cassie (no shyness over here). It was an excellent Christmas day. The kids were exhausted by the end and went to bed without a fuss.
Today (Boxing Day here/Christmas Day in Canada) Cian woke up and promptly threw up. I guess whatever had been brewing over the last couple days came to a head. He then decided to chug some milk and, you guessed it, threw up again. We tried to keep it low-key in the morning since he was barfing but our little guy doesn't seem to be troubled by illness that much - he's his usual very active self. After yesterday where we spent the day indoors (to beat the 31 degree heat) he was more than ready to go outside. He wanted to ride Emily's bike and was throwing a bit of a fit that he had to use his until he got it on the path. It took him about 2 seconds to remember how to pedal a bike and he was off. His face beamed and it was so cute to watch. Long gone were the memories of his temper tantrum that he couldn't ride Emily's bike because she was way slower than him on his cool "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" bike. We thought we would just go for a quick trip down the path but Cian wanted to go see Henry (the swan) and despite the mid-trip rain he was determined. He even did the big hill up and down to the bridge over the river. At one point he got off his bike to examine the mechanics of his front hand brake (something my engineer father is sure to be proud of). It was great to see his immediate skills at biking. Emily had a bit of a tougher time of it and was far more interested in strapping herself in and out of the bike and/or pushing her own bike from behind. She is currently having a nap and we have yet to see what the rest of Boxing Day holds in store for us. All in all, we have had a wonderful Chrissy adventure in Aus. Wishing our family and friends back home and around the world a very Happy Holidays!
Christmas Eve this year was spent getting some of the prep work down for our Chrissy lunch feast and making cupcakes for Santa and in general staying at home. Cian's friend Reuben had some cupcakes for Cian and wanted to play at the park so there was a brief outing where we exchanged cupcakes and Reuben made Cian a card (which is unbelievably adorable). We then put on our semi-nice summer outfits and went to Christmas Eve service in a very bright and sunny 28 degrees. A warm Christmas is actually not as weird as a bright Christmas - that seems to be the jarring difference for us. We walked to church at 5:30pm and it was so bright you needed sunglasses.
Turns out taking our children to church at their "witching hour" of 5:30-6:30pm is as disasterous as it sounds. We made it to the shepherds and wise men and they could not sit still. I considered this a personal parenting fail. Keith told me that maybe my Christmas gift to myself would be to ease up a bit. He's probably right. It was the family service - no one was embarrassed about it but me. I believe that Jesus might believe in "it was the thought that counts".
We had some snacks and watched an out-loud reading of "The Polar Express" on YouTube (we couldn't bring all our books with us), set out cupcakes for Santa and took the kids up to bed. This is where the real work began and I'm sure other parents had the same experience. At least I had convinced Keith that we had to assemble the bikes earlier than Christmas Eve (which in retrospect he agreed was a really good idea). We set up the presents and set up the projector for the morning and put wrapping paper with messages over Cian and Emily's "doors" (I use quotations here because Cian sleeps in a fort in the open study so I had to make-shift a door for him. We watched "The Family Man" and then went to bed ourselves.
We went to bed a little late (ie 1am) so it stands to reason that one of the children would wake up in the middle of the night. This is a consistent phenomenon and I'm not sure why I never learn. This time it was Cian. I woke up and heard him crying and realized that, of course, he hadn't come to our room like he usually does because he couldn't get out of his bed; I had gift wrapped him into it. He wasn't fully awake but I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. He wanted some water and wanted me to lie down with him because he was sick. I ended up spending the remaining 4-5 hours of that night on a mattress in a fort. I then crept out of his bed before he woke up. When the kids did wake up they had a great time ripping off the gift wrap from their doorways before going downstairs. The kids came downstairs to a winter wonderland of presents and larger than life falling snow on the projector behind the tree. I had been dreaming about doing this for quite some time and it was so awesome to see it work so well. Both kids ran to the screen and hugged it and yelled "SNOW!!!!" It was perfect.
The kids opened their presents under the tree and they have similar things they like so they were both quite interested in the other's presents. This could have been worse than it was - we are pretty lucky that they play so well together. The Ninja Turtle pillow pet was a huge hit and Emily loved her doll - both were big fans of their platypuses. After all the presents were opened we reminded them there was gift wrap across the door to the garage and they tore it down and found their bikes. Where we live now is the perfect place for the kids to learn how to ride bikes because the bike path is outside our kitchen window and it's mostly flat for long stretches so we decided to get them bikes for Christmas so they could learn. Kids here learn how to bike very early because of how nice the weather is and since most of our year is winter in Winnipeg this seemed like a perfect opportunity. All in all, our little Christmas was a big success.
After our breakfast of "skinny pancakes" (aka crepes) and raspberry sauce and cream we were trying to get ready for the Winters were coming. Keith laughed every time I said that because supposedly it's a Game of Thrones joke. We did not budget enough time to get ready and they arrived to mass chaos. That was probably good cause I think (more like I hope) they then felt comfortable and welcome right away. The kitchen had been clean but after a morning of crepes and raspberry sauce that was a distant memory. Keith was still in the shower when they got here and although Brent would have been used to the Morris chaos from a lifetime of it - Cassie was a particularly good sport. We had an afternoon and evening of great craic (that's conversation for the non-Irish), delicious food and beautiful champagne/white wine/red wine all paired to the food courtesy of the Winters. Interesting note it took us 3 tries to make the pavlova even after I had done a practice run a few days ago with no problems. Turns out that you cannot make pavlova in a metal bowl - there's a reaction that makes it impossible - so that's the secret: plastic bowl. Cassie brought stuff for the kids and both kids were all over Brent and Cassie (no shyness over here). It was an excellent Christmas day. The kids were exhausted by the end and went to bed without a fuss.
Today (Boxing Day here/Christmas Day in Canada) Cian woke up and promptly threw up. I guess whatever had been brewing over the last couple days came to a head. He then decided to chug some milk and, you guessed it, threw up again. We tried to keep it low-key in the morning since he was barfing but our little guy doesn't seem to be troubled by illness that much - he's his usual very active self. After yesterday where we spent the day indoors (to beat the 31 degree heat) he was more than ready to go outside. He wanted to ride Emily's bike and was throwing a bit of a fit that he had to use his until he got it on the path. It took him about 2 seconds to remember how to pedal a bike and he was off. His face beamed and it was so cute to watch. Long gone were the memories of his temper tantrum that he couldn't ride Emily's bike because she was way slower than him on his cool "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" bike. We thought we would just go for a quick trip down the path but Cian wanted to go see Henry (the swan) and despite the mid-trip rain he was determined. He even did the big hill up and down to the bridge over the river. At one point he got off his bike to examine the mechanics of his front hand brake (something my engineer father is sure to be proud of). It was great to see his immediate skills at biking. Emily had a bit of a tougher time of it and was far more interested in strapping herself in and out of the bike and/or pushing her own bike from behind. She is currently having a nap and we have yet to see what the rest of Boxing Day holds in store for us. All in all, we have had a wonderful Chrissy adventure in Aus. Wishing our family and friends back home and around the world a very Happy Holidays!
Monday, 23 December 2013
My Christmas Wish (aka All I Want for Christmas is a Normal Brain)
Today I had an MRI of my brain. To rewind a bit I have been having facial pain for the last few weeks. It was off and on at first and then got more frequent and then (as usually happens) Keith told me I had to see a doctor. I went to the Emergency department at one of the hospitals I work at and they saw me pretty quickly and diagnosed me with what I thought I had which is trigeminal neuralgia. That means I have pain across the course of the trigeminal nerve. I am lucky and mostly have V2/V3 involvement so I don't have visual symptoms. I, of course, brushed up on my facts about trigeminal neuralgia before going down to Emergency so that I would know what they would say before they said it (I hate when patients do this and yet I did it anyway). I didn't cut off the doctor though - I patiently listened to everything and I inadvertently got the head of ER who was really good and very fast. I love people who are competent at their job.
He started me on a drug called Carbamazepine (Tegretol). My experience with this drug is mostly at the doses for my epileptic patients but in lower doses it's used to treat trigeminal neuralgia. Keith told me (after extensive googling on my way home) that trigeminal neuralgia was actually it's original use. The doctor also made me an appointment with a neurologist and booked me an outpatient MRI. I am really lucky to have such a great work buddy because Amy (my fellow fellow) stayed with me until we could take the train back together despite the fact that she paid her nanny overtime to do it).
Carbamazepine has really improved things so much for me. I don't have any attacks anymore. I sometimes can feel that there is some mild burning on that side of my face and take an additional pain medicine but that is getting even more rare. I truly think that people who hate Western medicine are people who haven't had a serious health concern. My trigeminal neuralgia isn't serious but if you google it (like my husband or my friends) - which I don't suggest - the top hits include phrases like "worst pain a human can experience" and "used to be called the suicide disease because people would kill themselves because of the pain". Mine wasn't that bad but I know I have a pretty decent pain tolerance with having lived through my 30cm ovarian cyst (if anyone didn't know about that - it was benign) so I knew this facial pain was probably pretty bad. I am truly thankful for people who have created medicine to alleviate human suffering. I think that we don't really think about that until we need it.
So my outpatient MRI was booked for today. I was the ridiculous patient that forgot the requisition (seriously doctors make the worst patients) but Keith sent me a photo of it and that worked. Being a patient is humbling. I know it's humbling for everyone but truly it makes me remember that I ask my patients to go for tests all the time and it's probably scary for them too and I have the benefit of understanding what's going on. I got on the MRI table and then they put a halo over your face with a bunch of foam to keep your head in a particular position. Years of medical training have taught me that artifact from movement is really annoying for radiologists so I stayed completely still. Everyone has told me how loud MRIs are but I live with Cian and Emily so it was relaxing and I think I nodded off a couple of times. The series for trigeminal neuralgia requires IV contrast and many series so I think I was in the MRI for 45 minutes. The series usually lasts up to an hour and mine was "fast" because I was very still. The receptionist who had been a little rude to me on the way in was a lot nicer to me on the way out when she found out I was a doctor. That is aggravating - maybe you should just be nice to people because they are going for a test so probably something is wrong and they are stressed - grrrrrr. They gave me my MRI pictures but I didn't look at them until I called back and they read me the report over the phone: NORMAL BRAIN!!!! This was a huge relief and the best Christmas present. This is always the part in the story where Keith doesn't realize I had previously been stressed. I explained to him (as I had explained before) that they were looking for Multiple Sclerosis or a brain tumour. His oblivion often shields him from thinking about those things. Doctors don't usually have that luxury. I had looked all the way down the tunnel of either path. What our lives might look like with either of those diagnoses. That's because I've seen patients with MS and brain tumours and the prologues to their stories are typically "I felt fine until...." and I think medical school often gives you the feeling that any moment the "health" shoe might drop.
This was the wake-up scare. The one that reminds you that there are worse outcomes in life than failing the exam I obsessed over last year. I've been slowly waking up over the course of this year - like I've been in a deep sleep of education these many years of medical school and residency and this was the jolt where you sit upright in bed. It's the reminder of how precious every moment is with my rapidly growing children - to be with them in the fits of laughter, the kangaroo jumping and the kitchen dance parties. My prayers changed over the last few days to "please Lord let me see my beautiful children grow up..." I am crying about this now and Keith is lovingly annoyed with me that I was so stressed and didn't tell him. I am so lucky that with either "fictitious illness lane" I walked down I saw him right there with me. If I lost my hair from cancer or couldn't walk with MS I knew he would be there and he was the only person I wanted there with me. That is a truly amazing thing to have - an always and forever partner in life. In this Christmas season I keep thinking of when Scrooge wakes up determined to be a better person and although I don't think I could ever be called a Scrooge I do feel like I've been reminded of what's really important to me. God bless us everyone.
"He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him." - A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.
He started me on a drug called Carbamazepine (Tegretol). My experience with this drug is mostly at the doses for my epileptic patients but in lower doses it's used to treat trigeminal neuralgia. Keith told me (after extensive googling on my way home) that trigeminal neuralgia was actually it's original use. The doctor also made me an appointment with a neurologist and booked me an outpatient MRI. I am really lucky to have such a great work buddy because Amy (my fellow fellow) stayed with me until we could take the train back together despite the fact that she paid her nanny overtime to do it).
Carbamazepine has really improved things so much for me. I don't have any attacks anymore. I sometimes can feel that there is some mild burning on that side of my face and take an additional pain medicine but that is getting even more rare. I truly think that people who hate Western medicine are people who haven't had a serious health concern. My trigeminal neuralgia isn't serious but if you google it (like my husband or my friends) - which I don't suggest - the top hits include phrases like "worst pain a human can experience" and "used to be called the suicide disease because people would kill themselves because of the pain". Mine wasn't that bad but I know I have a pretty decent pain tolerance with having lived through my 30cm ovarian cyst (if anyone didn't know about that - it was benign) so I knew this facial pain was probably pretty bad. I am truly thankful for people who have created medicine to alleviate human suffering. I think that we don't really think about that until we need it.
So my outpatient MRI was booked for today. I was the ridiculous patient that forgot the requisition (seriously doctors make the worst patients) but Keith sent me a photo of it and that worked. Being a patient is humbling. I know it's humbling for everyone but truly it makes me remember that I ask my patients to go for tests all the time and it's probably scary for them too and I have the benefit of understanding what's going on. I got on the MRI table and then they put a halo over your face with a bunch of foam to keep your head in a particular position. Years of medical training have taught me that artifact from movement is really annoying for radiologists so I stayed completely still. Everyone has told me how loud MRIs are but I live with Cian and Emily so it was relaxing and I think I nodded off a couple of times. The series for trigeminal neuralgia requires IV contrast and many series so I think I was in the MRI for 45 minutes. The series usually lasts up to an hour and mine was "fast" because I was very still. The receptionist who had been a little rude to me on the way in was a lot nicer to me on the way out when she found out I was a doctor. That is aggravating - maybe you should just be nice to people because they are going for a test so probably something is wrong and they are stressed - grrrrrr. They gave me my MRI pictures but I didn't look at them until I called back and they read me the report over the phone: NORMAL BRAIN!!!! This was a huge relief and the best Christmas present. This is always the part in the story where Keith doesn't realize I had previously been stressed. I explained to him (as I had explained before) that they were looking for Multiple Sclerosis or a brain tumour. His oblivion often shields him from thinking about those things. Doctors don't usually have that luxury. I had looked all the way down the tunnel of either path. What our lives might look like with either of those diagnoses. That's because I've seen patients with MS and brain tumours and the prologues to their stories are typically "I felt fine until...." and I think medical school often gives you the feeling that any moment the "health" shoe might drop.
This was the wake-up scare. The one that reminds you that there are worse outcomes in life than failing the exam I obsessed over last year. I've been slowly waking up over the course of this year - like I've been in a deep sleep of education these many years of medical school and residency and this was the jolt where you sit upright in bed. It's the reminder of how precious every moment is with my rapidly growing children - to be with them in the fits of laughter, the kangaroo jumping and the kitchen dance parties. My prayers changed over the last few days to "please Lord let me see my beautiful children grow up..." I am crying about this now and Keith is lovingly annoyed with me that I was so stressed and didn't tell him. I am so lucky that with either "fictitious illness lane" I walked down I saw him right there with me. If I lost my hair from cancer or couldn't walk with MS I knew he would be there and he was the only person I wanted there with me. That is a truly amazing thing to have - an always and forever partner in life. In this Christmas season I keep thinking of when Scrooge wakes up determined to be a better person and although I don't think I could ever be called a Scrooge I do feel like I've been reminded of what's really important to me. God bless us everyone.
"He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him." - A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens.
Sunday, 22 December 2013
The Stockyard Race
Yesterday on our way home from the shopping centre there was a big ramp when you come out of Newmarket station. Cian ran down the ramp and then I let Emily go in the stroller for a little way and Cian would catch her. This was great fun.
We tried it again on the hill on Stockyard Path. We do this hill almost everyday and for some reason I let Emily go a little farther and the incline was a little higher and the force of the stroller knocked Cian over. It wasn't hard, there was only a couple tears and then he was over it.
Farther down the hill we were racing and Cian yells "Mommy my leg!" and starts to grab the leg that was hit by the stroller just moments before. I walk back up the path to check on his leg - worried he had been hurt more than I had originally thought. Once I got to him he raced by me at a breakneck pace and yelled behind him "I TRICKED YOU!! HAHAHAHA!!!!"
How did I not see that coming. :)
We tried it again on the hill on Stockyard Path. We do this hill almost everyday and for some reason I let Emily go a little farther and the incline was a little higher and the force of the stroller knocked Cian over. It wasn't hard, there was only a couple tears and then he was over it.
Farther down the hill we were racing and Cian yells "Mommy my leg!" and starts to grab the leg that was hit by the stroller just moments before. I walk back up the path to check on his leg - worried he had been hurt more than I had originally thought. Once I got to him he raced by me at a breakneck pace and yelled behind him "I TRICKED YOU!! HAHAHAHA!!!!"
How did I not see that coming. :)
Saturday, 21 December 2013
Pictures with Santa
Yesterday we went to Moonee Ponds shopping centre to get pictures with Santa. The kids had practiced what they were going to say and we had gotten Christmas shirts and hats a couple weeks ago. Target had forgotten to take the security tags off the hats but after we went back and they fixed that we were set and walked out to Moonee Ponds. It's fun now that the kids will keep hats on their head and after a bit of a wait it was their turn.
Emily was a bit nervous once she got into Santa's area. She was okay if mom came with her but he was definitely scarier than she was expecting. Cian ran right up to Santa and gave him big hugs. He was ready. Santa asked her what she wanted for Christmas and eventually she got out "toys". He also asked Cian and Cian replied with his consistent "NINJA TURTLES" (Good thing I got him something Ninja turtles!) It was fun to hear Santa have an Australian accent.
The kids sat on Santa's lap and Emily started to cry but very quickly they were both smiling like champs. The tickling elves did a very good job.
That evening the kids had a new babysitter, Ciara, and we went out for a date. I had gotten tickets through the hospital to go see "Book of Everything" which was AMAZING. We both thought it was really good. The acting was very well done as well as the set design, sound design and on-stage musicians (these are the things I notice). The theatre is on the south side of the Yarra River and we hadn't been over that way before. It was a gorgeous night (around 21 degrees) and there were lights on the palm trees and a sweet-smelling breeze through the streets after the show. The horse-drawn carriages also go down that tree-lined street past all the major theatres in Melbourne and it was a beautiful evening walk back to Flinders Street station.
The kids seemed to really love Ciara (they barely made a peep when we left) and she seems awesome because a) she wants to be a pediatrician b) she is going to Tanzania this school break to work at a hospital c) she has a brother named Cian d) she has lived in Canada, Scotland and Australia and e) she was watching Sherlock when we got home. All these things instantly endeared me to her. We will definitely have her again if she continues to babysit through Uni. All in all, a lovely evening after a festive day with the kids.
Emily was a bit nervous once she got into Santa's area. She was okay if mom came with her but he was definitely scarier than she was expecting. Cian ran right up to Santa and gave him big hugs. He was ready. Santa asked her what she wanted for Christmas and eventually she got out "toys". He also asked Cian and Cian replied with his consistent "NINJA TURTLES" (Good thing I got him something Ninja turtles!) It was fun to hear Santa have an Australian accent.
The kids sat on Santa's lap and Emily started to cry but very quickly they were both smiling like champs. The tickling elves did a very good job.
That evening the kids had a new babysitter, Ciara, and we went out for a date. I had gotten tickets through the hospital to go see "Book of Everything" which was AMAZING. We both thought it was really good. The acting was very well done as well as the set design, sound design and on-stage musicians (these are the things I notice). The theatre is on the south side of the Yarra River and we hadn't been over that way before. It was a gorgeous night (around 21 degrees) and there were lights on the palm trees and a sweet-smelling breeze through the streets after the show. The horse-drawn carriages also go down that tree-lined street past all the major theatres in Melbourne and it was a beautiful evening walk back to Flinders Street station.
The kids seemed to really love Ciara (they barely made a peep when we left) and she seems awesome because a) she wants to be a pediatrician b) she is going to Tanzania this school break to work at a hospital c) she has a brother named Cian d) she has lived in Canada, Scotland and Australia and e) she was watching Sherlock when we got home. All these things instantly endeared me to her. We will definitely have her again if she continues to babysit through Uni. All in all, a lovely evening after a festive day with the kids.
Monday, 16 December 2013
Our First Real Tree
Our tree arrived, courtesy of the local Scouts troupe, on Saturday and we have really enjoyed the familiar smell of pine. The kids were jumping up and down excited about having a real Christmas tree and have enjoyed putting on (and taking off and putting on again) the makeshift Christmas ornaments I bought at Woolies and made out of cardboard. The homemade ones seem to be their favourite as they have animals on them. It's nice to have this tall, regal reminder of Christmases at home in the corner. A little piece of Canadiana in our sunny paradise.
Cian seems to really understand Christmas this year and is getting very excited. His Christmas list is as follows:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Bicycle
Legos
Dragons (Toothless)
Emily's list is very similar because she basically wants to be exactly like her brother with a few key differences. Here is her list:
Hamburger
Bicycle
Doggies
Animals
Cookies
Platypus (and one for Cian too)
I went Christmas shopping for the kids today and I was surprised at how much of an agenda I had about it. I wanted to get Cian TMNT but didn't want to get action figures because they were too violent and he already is a little predisposed to active ninja-kicking and needs no encouragement on that matter. I found a super cute TMNT Michaelangelo pillow pet that I think he'll love and that won't encourage him toward violence. Emily likes dolls and animals and I wanted to get her a new doll and decided on Doc McStuffins because a) she has a job and b) she's a different race than Emily and I want her to see diversity early on. My parents got me an Orange Blossom doll when I was a kid and it was one of my favourites and I like looking back on those pictures and seeing how progressive they were that they didn't require me to have a doll that looked like me. I want that for Emily too. And I want her to have a doll that doesn't just look pretty as if that's all she can do. Doc McStuffins takes care of animals and sings and likes a lot of the same stuff Emily likes (although I'm a little worried it's a bit heavy handed for her doctor mom to get her a doctor doll). I also got Emily the car """Boy""" Lego (I tripled the quotation marks cause I believe it's that stupid) because she likes the ones with wheels and because I don't think colours that are not pink/purple are inherently "boy". I am still amazed at how much agenda I had around buying Christmas presents. I feel like it's a bit too activist to be so up in arms about toys but Keith said that if I think the kids will like what I got them and I am trying to form them into well-rounded caring people than it's ok.
I worry about being too heavy-handed as a parent but at the same time if we don't expose them to these things than who will - it's kind of our job. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I needed to be taught the stuff I now know about the world - that it did not fall divinely from the sky - and, in turn it's my responsibility to teach my kids about these important topics. They need to learn from me that Lego is not a gendered toy, that sharing and giving is the true spirit of Christmas and that Santa is pretty cool but so is Jesus. My parents taught me those things and though it might seem passe those are the things that I want my kids to learn too.
Cian seems to really understand Christmas this year and is getting very excited. His Christmas list is as follows:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Bicycle
Legos
Dragons (Toothless)
Emily's list is very similar because she basically wants to be exactly like her brother with a few key differences. Here is her list:
Hamburger
Bicycle
Doggies
Animals
Cookies
Platypus (and one for Cian too)
I went Christmas shopping for the kids today and I was surprised at how much of an agenda I had about it. I wanted to get Cian TMNT but didn't want to get action figures because they were too violent and he already is a little predisposed to active ninja-kicking and needs no encouragement on that matter. I found a super cute TMNT Michaelangelo pillow pet that I think he'll love and that won't encourage him toward violence. Emily likes dolls and animals and I wanted to get her a new doll and decided on Doc McStuffins because a) she has a job and b) she's a different race than Emily and I want her to see diversity early on. My parents got me an Orange Blossom doll when I was a kid and it was one of my favourites and I like looking back on those pictures and seeing how progressive they were that they didn't require me to have a doll that looked like me. I want that for Emily too. And I want her to have a doll that doesn't just look pretty as if that's all she can do. Doc McStuffins takes care of animals and sings and likes a lot of the same stuff Emily likes (although I'm a little worried it's a bit heavy handed for her doctor mom to get her a doctor doll). I also got Emily the car """Boy""" Lego (I tripled the quotation marks cause I believe it's that stupid) because she likes the ones with wheels and because I don't think colours that are not pink/purple are inherently "boy". I am still amazed at how much agenda I had around buying Christmas presents. I feel like it's a bit too activist to be so up in arms about toys but Keith said that if I think the kids will like what I got them and I am trying to form them into well-rounded caring people than it's ok.
I worry about being too heavy-handed as a parent but at the same time if we don't expose them to these things than who will - it's kind of our job. Sometimes I need to remind myself that I needed to be taught the stuff I now know about the world - that it did not fall divinely from the sky - and, in turn it's my responsibility to teach my kids about these important topics. They need to learn from me that Lego is not a gendered toy, that sharing and giving is the true spirit of Christmas and that Santa is pretty cool but so is Jesus. My parents taught me those things and though it might seem passe those are the things that I want my kids to learn too.
Sunday, 8 December 2013
The Taboo Stay-at-Home topic
I recently read a blogpost a friend had posted that was written by a father supporting stay-at-home moms. He had written it after he had a few comments that week from women who wondered what she did all day. It was well-written and was very supportive of women who stay home with their kids. Here is the link if you would like to read it:
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
This article has bothered me. I certainly feel the sentiment was supportive and loving but I feel the message was incomplete.
Firstly, I respect parents that choose to stay at home to raise their children. Keith and I have said many times how lucky we are that we can afford to have Keith stay home. I also tell him all the time how much I appreciate his sacrifice and extraordinary amount of time and effort everyday being the primary parent around day in and day out. He makes the meals, he does the laundry, he takes the kids to their classes, he takes them to the park twice a day, and he cleans the floors. He is amazing. I know that he is amazing but also when people, especially women, find out my husband is a stay-at-home dad they tell me how amazing that is. They tell me their husbands could never hack it, would never choose to do it and that I am amazingly lucky to have found such an unbelievable diamond of a guy. Keith is a pretty amazing guy and I am very lucky to be married to him but the fact that he stays at home with our kids is only part of the reason. When I come home and tell him, yet again, how another woman told me how lucky I was to have a stay at home dad and how amazing/incredible/unbelievable it was that he stays at home his response was "I'm doing everything stay-at-home moms have done for generations, I'm just doing it with a penis." For some reason, having a stay-at-home dad seems to be a radical feminist act.
But despite the fact that we have a parent staying at home in our house we don't fall into either feuding tribe of stay at home mom or working outside the home mom. The fact that these are often feuding factions seems ridiculous to me. A good friend and I had our babies around the same time in different provinces and around the time we were both thinking about going back to work (6 months for me and 12 months for her) we were chatting and trying to figure out how to ask each other about it without sounding condescending. We are so happy for each other that we could make the choice that made sense for our families but it was a bit of an awkward first-date type conversation to get there. That is because it is a minefield to ask a mom about her plans. There very well might have been a condescending tone to the women who asked the blogger about if his wife was going back to work but people often ask about future plans when they are visiting and so it's easy to see how "Is your wife going back to work?" would come up. For both of our children I spent the first 6 months of my parental leave at home and Keith took the last 6 months. This worked really well for us because we could both understand how unbelievably hard it is to stay home with children. It's really hard. I went to medical school and endured a 5 year residency and in a lot of ways stay-at-home parenthood was harder. I have never been under the illusion that staying at home was easy. Maybe I should say "Are you going back to the workforce?" but the sentiment is "What are your plans?" not "Obviously you haven't been working until now..." Also I can tell you that as a doctor/mom the comments fly the other way too. The offhand comments of "You put in so many hours, I just love my kids so much I couldn't be apart from them that long..." or "You're children must miss you so much", etc. etc. It doesn't happen from a lot of people but it still stings when I hear it and that's with having a stay-at-home parent. I think these comments come out of people not doing what they truly want to do. Working when they want to stay home or staying at home when they'd prefer to be working outside of the home. I think that's where the negativity comes from and maybe we could work on the barriers to choices for women (ex. universal day care or extended maternity leave) rather than taking it out on each other.
I believe my role as a mother is important but so are my roles as a physician, as a wife, a daughter and a friend. I took vows with my husband and out of that love and commitment we brought two beautiful children into this world. I also took an oath to my profession and to my community and lots of love and commitment came from my teachers and patients to mold me into the physician that I am. I take both of these commitments very seriously and I don't think they need to be mutually exclusive. It's true that when I leave the medical profession that I will be replaced by other doctors. Hopefully, I will have helped mold them into kind and caring physicians as my mentors have taught me. To say that because you will be replaced in your job doesn't mean that you don't have an impact there. I agree that impact might not be felt by generations but that's really a retrospective diagnosis. Marie Curie had two daughters. Her Nobel prize winning work was very important and she may or may not have known that while raising small children. Who knows what children have been and will be inspired by the public work of Hillary Clinton, Indira Gandhi or Emily Murphy. Or who have been inspired by the more personal wonder of the teachers, professors, artists, researchers, entertainers and scientists they see or read about, some of whom might also be mothers. To suggest that the career work of women might be less meaningful than motherhood also minimizes the enormous contributions of women who don't have children, through personal choice or not. Their contributions to their communities might not run through the roots of their children but may extend out through the branches of their friendships, their community work and the love they have for the children around them. This love might not come from parenthood but it is just as important for other adults to nurture and foster interests in children to help them grow and I truly believe that love will also be felt for generations.
I completely agree with the glorification of busy. I thought that before I had kids and continue to think that now. I thank my friends in Malawi for teaching me that. I think that quantity time is important with kids and the more time you can spend with kids the better. I however don't think you need to completely lose yourself. For me, my quantity time with my kids comes out of leisure activity time. I don't do much outside of work and home except for occassionally going to the gym. For some people that might mean that they've cut out their job with a paycheque so that they can continue doing their yoga/art/basketball/etc and still spend time with their kids. I also think that the glorification of busy and the whole stay-at-home parenting argument is a luxury reserved to people of a certain socioeconomic status and to say it's not a classist issue is a bit naive. Most single-moms and/or moms living with less financial means are not glorifying their busy-ness they are just busy. To all single parents I know or don't know if no one has told you today (or for weeks or months) you are incredible. There are many days in my life that I think about how much harder my situation would be if I was parenting on my own. And I am not the only parent who has a partner who thinks that way. If you think we are judging you for being a single parent we're not - we're judging ourselves trying to imagine if we could walk in your shoes.
Touting a stay-at-home mom as the ideal is limiting. Any "ideal" in regards to family is limiting in my opinion. Families are amazing entities with all sorts of configurations. Some have a stay-at-home parent and some don't. Some have two moms or two dads or one mom or one dad. Children also are just as broad a kaleidoscope of individual needs and abilities. Some might work best with a stay-at-home parent and some might flourish in daycare with a different kind of caregiver or with their grandparents or other relatives. My mom stayed home with my brother and I but there were times she worked and I spent that time with my grandparents - a relationship that was stronger for decades because we had that time together. I also remember a certain narrow-minded individual who blanketed my first year med school group with the sweeping statement that "clearly we all came from two-parent families to have gotten this far <in our education>". This understandably upset my friend sitting beside me who's father had left them when she was young and who was lovingly raised by her mother and aunt. Keith's mom stayed home with them when they were young but I would venture to say that it was his parents partnership when his mom went back to nursing that fostered the quiet but strong belief in gender equality in my spouse. The women in our lives certainly influenced the people we have become but so too did the examples of the men who loved these women. Who created strong examples of marriages with them. Who washed the dishes and rubbed our mother's backs. My dad tried to curl my hair with a curling iron when I was 7 (and burned my face) and listened to the lyrics of Ani diFranco and the prose of Alice Walker. Keith's dad's would leave out the paper to a space-related article he knew Keith would enjoy and has never made a whisper of a comment or a gesture that he is even remotely embarrassed that his son chose to stay-at-home. I think this was one of the biggest points missed in this article. The was no mention of the importance of fatherhood and how that impacts generations. I respect that the blogger was making a statement in support of his wife and I applaud that. I would also though like to see more men see their roles as fathers be just as defining in a child's life as their mother's. Just as my husband's view of gender equality was shaped by both his parents I hope my children's views are influenced both by my work inside and outside our home, by Keith's sacrifices and influences as a stay-at-home parent and, most of all, by our relationship to each other as we create our family life. If our children see us as partners in our family, if all of our children see us as partners in creating their world, maybe we can truly make headway into the societal pigeon-holes that weaken us all.
http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/
This article has bothered me. I certainly feel the sentiment was supportive and loving but I feel the message was incomplete.
Firstly, I respect parents that choose to stay at home to raise their children. Keith and I have said many times how lucky we are that we can afford to have Keith stay home. I also tell him all the time how much I appreciate his sacrifice and extraordinary amount of time and effort everyday being the primary parent around day in and day out. He makes the meals, he does the laundry, he takes the kids to their classes, he takes them to the park twice a day, and he cleans the floors. He is amazing. I know that he is amazing but also when people, especially women, find out my husband is a stay-at-home dad they tell me how amazing that is. They tell me their husbands could never hack it, would never choose to do it and that I am amazingly lucky to have found such an unbelievable diamond of a guy. Keith is a pretty amazing guy and I am very lucky to be married to him but the fact that he stays at home with our kids is only part of the reason. When I come home and tell him, yet again, how another woman told me how lucky I was to have a stay at home dad and how amazing/incredible/unbelievable it was that he stays at home his response was "I'm doing everything stay-at-home moms have done for generations, I'm just doing it with a penis." For some reason, having a stay-at-home dad seems to be a radical feminist act.
But despite the fact that we have a parent staying at home in our house we don't fall into either feuding tribe of stay at home mom or working outside the home mom. The fact that these are often feuding factions seems ridiculous to me. A good friend and I had our babies around the same time in different provinces and around the time we were both thinking about going back to work (6 months for me and 12 months for her) we were chatting and trying to figure out how to ask each other about it without sounding condescending. We are so happy for each other that we could make the choice that made sense for our families but it was a bit of an awkward first-date type conversation to get there. That is because it is a minefield to ask a mom about her plans. There very well might have been a condescending tone to the women who asked the blogger about if his wife was going back to work but people often ask about future plans when they are visiting and so it's easy to see how "Is your wife going back to work?" would come up. For both of our children I spent the first 6 months of my parental leave at home and Keith took the last 6 months. This worked really well for us because we could both understand how unbelievably hard it is to stay home with children. It's really hard. I went to medical school and endured a 5 year residency and in a lot of ways stay-at-home parenthood was harder. I have never been under the illusion that staying at home was easy. Maybe I should say "Are you going back to the workforce?" but the sentiment is "What are your plans?" not "Obviously you haven't been working until now..." Also I can tell you that as a doctor/mom the comments fly the other way too. The offhand comments of "You put in so many hours, I just love my kids so much I couldn't be apart from them that long..." or "You're children must miss you so much", etc. etc. It doesn't happen from a lot of people but it still stings when I hear it and that's with having a stay-at-home parent. I think these comments come out of people not doing what they truly want to do. Working when they want to stay home or staying at home when they'd prefer to be working outside of the home. I think that's where the negativity comes from and maybe we could work on the barriers to choices for women (ex. universal day care or extended maternity leave) rather than taking it out on each other.
I believe my role as a mother is important but so are my roles as a physician, as a wife, a daughter and a friend. I took vows with my husband and out of that love and commitment we brought two beautiful children into this world. I also took an oath to my profession and to my community and lots of love and commitment came from my teachers and patients to mold me into the physician that I am. I take both of these commitments very seriously and I don't think they need to be mutually exclusive. It's true that when I leave the medical profession that I will be replaced by other doctors. Hopefully, I will have helped mold them into kind and caring physicians as my mentors have taught me. To say that because you will be replaced in your job doesn't mean that you don't have an impact there. I agree that impact might not be felt by generations but that's really a retrospective diagnosis. Marie Curie had two daughters. Her Nobel prize winning work was very important and she may or may not have known that while raising small children. Who knows what children have been and will be inspired by the public work of Hillary Clinton, Indira Gandhi or Emily Murphy. Or who have been inspired by the more personal wonder of the teachers, professors, artists, researchers, entertainers and scientists they see or read about, some of whom might also be mothers. To suggest that the career work of women might be less meaningful than motherhood also minimizes the enormous contributions of women who don't have children, through personal choice or not. Their contributions to their communities might not run through the roots of their children but may extend out through the branches of their friendships, their community work and the love they have for the children around them. This love might not come from parenthood but it is just as important for other adults to nurture and foster interests in children to help them grow and I truly believe that love will also be felt for generations.
I completely agree with the glorification of busy. I thought that before I had kids and continue to think that now. I thank my friends in Malawi for teaching me that. I think that quantity time is important with kids and the more time you can spend with kids the better. I however don't think you need to completely lose yourself. For me, my quantity time with my kids comes out of leisure activity time. I don't do much outside of work and home except for occassionally going to the gym. For some people that might mean that they've cut out their job with a paycheque so that they can continue doing their yoga/art/basketball/etc and still spend time with their kids. I also think that the glorification of busy and the whole stay-at-home parenting argument is a luxury reserved to people of a certain socioeconomic status and to say it's not a classist issue is a bit naive. Most single-moms and/or moms living with less financial means are not glorifying their busy-ness they are just busy. To all single parents I know or don't know if no one has told you today (or for weeks or months) you are incredible. There are many days in my life that I think about how much harder my situation would be if I was parenting on my own. And I am not the only parent who has a partner who thinks that way. If you think we are judging you for being a single parent we're not - we're judging ourselves trying to imagine if we could walk in your shoes.
Touting a stay-at-home mom as the ideal is limiting. Any "ideal" in regards to family is limiting in my opinion. Families are amazing entities with all sorts of configurations. Some have a stay-at-home parent and some don't. Some have two moms or two dads or one mom or one dad. Children also are just as broad a kaleidoscope of individual needs and abilities. Some might work best with a stay-at-home parent and some might flourish in daycare with a different kind of caregiver or with their grandparents or other relatives. My mom stayed home with my brother and I but there were times she worked and I spent that time with my grandparents - a relationship that was stronger for decades because we had that time together. I also remember a certain narrow-minded individual who blanketed my first year med school group with the sweeping statement that "clearly we all came from two-parent families to have gotten this far <in our education>". This understandably upset my friend sitting beside me who's father had left them when she was young and who was lovingly raised by her mother and aunt. Keith's mom stayed home with them when they were young but I would venture to say that it was his parents partnership when his mom went back to nursing that fostered the quiet but strong belief in gender equality in my spouse. The women in our lives certainly influenced the people we have become but so too did the examples of the men who loved these women. Who created strong examples of marriages with them. Who washed the dishes and rubbed our mother's backs. My dad tried to curl my hair with a curling iron when I was 7 (and burned my face) and listened to the lyrics of Ani diFranco and the prose of Alice Walker. Keith's dad's would leave out the paper to a space-related article he knew Keith would enjoy and has never made a whisper of a comment or a gesture that he is even remotely embarrassed that his son chose to stay-at-home. I think this was one of the biggest points missed in this article. The was no mention of the importance of fatherhood and how that impacts generations. I respect that the blogger was making a statement in support of his wife and I applaud that. I would also though like to see more men see their roles as fathers be just as defining in a child's life as their mother's. Just as my husband's view of gender equality was shaped by both his parents I hope my children's views are influenced both by my work inside and outside our home, by Keith's sacrifices and influences as a stay-at-home parent and, most of all, by our relationship to each other as we create our family life. If our children see us as partners in our family, if all of our children see us as partners in creating their world, maybe we can truly make headway into the societal pigeon-holes that weaken us all.
Monday, 2 December 2013
Phillip Island Penguin Parade
On Sunday we headed out to Phillip Island
to complete Donald’s wildlife adventures.
The kids love a good car ride so it wasn’t hard to convince them. Since there were 5 of us Keith had to
sit in the backseat (since he’s the only one that would fit between the car seats). The kids thought this was awesome. We meandered through the city to get on
to the M1 and although it took longer than advertised we did get to Phillip
Island in the afternoon. We
stopped for chocolates at the chocolate factory and saw the chocolate penguins
and the train. The kids enjoyed
their chocolate dolphin treats. We
then set off for the Koala Conservation Centre. There are boardwalks that allow you to be higher up and
quite close to the koalas. There
were some that were very close and it was neat to see them in their natural
habitat and close enough that the kids could see them. There were again snake signs – this one
detailing the shy copperhead which, although shy, is extremely venomous. Cian thought since there was a picture
of one with information that we should be able to see it – thankfully, this was
not the case. The kids loved the
koala boardwalks and Cian told Donald “This was a very nice trip”. We then headed to the beach for some
supper. Donald and Keith went to
get the Fish n Chips and I took the kids to play on the beach. I don’t know what possessed me to think
that they would stay up on the grass when there was perfectly good sand to roll
around in. It was a disaster. At one point I was trying to get Emily
to come back after running down the beach and I turned around and Cian was
waist-deep in the ocean. In his
clothes. Needless to say our
children are not afraid to get dirty.
They are very much “outdoor” kids.
Keith and Donald finally rescued me and we cleaned up and had our supper
on the beach. It was a gorgeous
day, not too hot and the breeze was amazing. The seagulls surrounded us but never got too close – all I
could think of was the Finding Nemo scene “Mine mine mine mine”. Cian found it very difficult to not
spend every moment scaring them away – I think that is hard-wired in
children. After supper we got back
in the car and went to the Penguin Parade parking lot. The plan was that Keith and Donald
would go in to the Parade and I would stay in the parking lot with the
kids. I thought they would be too
noisy and would scare the penguins and I had a pipedream that they might
sleep. They were wide awake when
we got there at 730pm and walking around was impossible as the parking lot was
full of flies. I then sat with
them in the car for about 15 minutes while they found and ate my chocolate bar
and 2 other chocolate granola bars and wanted more. I then texted Keith to see what the demographics inside were
like (because I had seen a lot of people strolling by with children smaller
than ours) and he said there were lots of kids inside. So we told Cian that if he was VERY
good he could go in and see penguins.
That was the golden ticket – he was awesome. We hung around in the information centre and watched the video
and then headed out on the boardwalks.
This was much nicer because the breeze kept the flies away and it was
easy to manoeuvre with the stroller.
You aren’t allowed to take any pictures once you leave the Penguin
information centre and there was something extraordinary about that. Most tourist places are full of
people’s flashing cameras and wiggling into each other’s way to get the perfect
shot. That was impossible
here. Instead we could all just
experience what was going to happen; which was extraordinary. As the sun set little penguins start to
come up on to the beach. They are
quite shy so it takes them some time but eventually you see them waddling their
way into the bush in their organized little groups. It was hard for Cian and Emily to see them on the beach but
just as cool as the beach parade is that the little penguins march under the
boardwalks and along the lit paths.
They come very close to you
and you can see them in amazing detail. Emily at one point said “Mommy I love penguins!” and Cian
said “Look they’re camouflaged!”
It was way past their bedtimes and they were mesmerized by the march of
the penguins. It was a magical
thing to watch especially with the wonder of children. It was even more magical with no
flashbulbs or camera clicks.
Everyone had to drink in their full experience right there in the
moment. We piled into the car for
the drive home (after checking under our car to ensure there weren’t any
penguins as instructed – there weren’t any) and made the long drive home. It was a very full and wonderful
day.
Paddling with the Platypuses
Keith’s friend Donald has been visiting us
from Canada and he also has a love of the canoe. When we were talking about what he wanted to do while he was
here he sent me a link to a tour where you could go paddling with the
platypuses. The platypus is Cian’s
FAVOURITE animal (as I’ve mentioned before) and he was too young to go on this
trip since platypuses come out at dusk so we had to be a bit hush-hush about
our secret paddling plans. We
drove out to Forrest, VIC on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. The sun was shining and I didn’t have
to corral kids (and all the associated paraphernalia) into the backseat. It was a beautiful drive full of lots
of trees and patches of farmland.
Forrest is a little town with not much more than a General Store and a
brewery. We had a Canadian slice -
it was a maple/chocolate dessert they had and it seemed unpatriotic not to try
it - and waited for our guide
Bruce. Bruce is a mild-mannered
quiet Australian man who seemed to have the appropriate demeanor for a platypus
guide. He guided us out of Forrest
into the Otway National Park up to the intake for the hike to Lake
Elizabeth. It was a meandering
road into this lush mountain park – it felt almost like a rainforest. Donald laughed at the immediate “Beware
of snakes” sign knowing my deep love of slithery reptiles. It was ok though because I had my big
hiking boots on. I realized that I
have had those hiking boots for 15 years and they have served me incredibly
well. There was a pretty decent
hike up to Lake Elizabeth. We
passed a billabong, which is a pond that is left behind when a river changes
course, and passed many treeferns and beautiful scenery as we hiked up the path
to the lake. There were only 8 of
us including the guide and everyone was around the same age and interested in
platypus canoeing so it was a pretty relaxed group which was very
peaceful. We got up to this
gorgeous mountain lake and there were 2 canoes that Bruce lashed together. I thought we would be paddling but he
actually paddled all of us around the lake. At first I wasn’t as happy about that but it made way more
sense because platypuses are very shy.
I’m sure too many people splashing around the lake would have terrified
them. Camera clicks and paddle
dips were already scary and we had to be quiet to even catch glimpses of
them. It was so fun because
everyone was really invested in seeing them but we all knew we had to be quiet
or they would dash away. Bruce had
such a calm voice and would tell us little platypus facts in between trying to
spot the bubbles that meant we were close. Platypuses are not very big (40-50cm) so you really had to
pay attention. It was silent on
this gorgeous lake with only the occasional grunting noise which we found out
was the mating call of the koala.
The water looked like glass and with the setting sun it was the most
peaceful spot I’ve been in a long time.
Bruce served hot chocolate and biscuits in our little raft just before
the sunset as we kept our eyes peeled for platypuses. We saw quite a few with the closest about 4m in front of the
raft. After we docked the boats we
walked down the path and the cliffs were covered in glow worms. Glow worms are larvae that make webs
and then sit behind them and glow to catch food in their traps. We didn’t even need a flashlight to get
back. Once we got back to our car
we set back on our way home. We
were about 1 km down the drive when there was a koala on the road. We were the last to travel out and it
just say there so we waited and he crossed right in front of our car and then
climbed the tree right beside Donald’s window. He could have reached out and pet it. It was crazy. Then we went another 500m and a wallaby jumped across our
path. Then we met up with another
koala and he stayed with our car for about 15 minutes walking in front of us on
the road and trying to climb a little eucalyptus tree and then thinking better
of that decision and foraging off to find a bigger tree. It was insane to see them in the wild
like that. We couldn’t have asked
for a better experience.
Be Careful What you Wish For
On Saturday morning Cian came into our room
(like he does on most mornings) and pleaded with us to get up to take Emily out
of the crib. He asked Keith and
then he came around to the other side of the bed and asked me. We were slowly starting to move but we
were obviously not fast enough for him.
He ran back into the room he shares with Emily and dejectedly confessed
“EMMY - MOMMY IS SLEEPING, DADDY
IS SLEEPING, THEY AREN’T COMING”.
He had failed in his mission and he was devastated. As I heard this I turned to Keith and
said “I wish she could get herself out of the crib so we didn’t have to get up
and get her”. A couple of minutes
later I picked her up out of the crib and took the kids downstairs. A couple of hours later after breakfast
and playtime and Keith and Donald going out to get the rental car Em looked
very tired. She often is tired in
the morning because Cian likely wakes her up with his gleeful “It’s morningtime!”
routine. I put her back into the
crib for a nap and went downstairs to clean up breakfast. About 30 minutes later I heard Emily’s
voice as if she was on the stairs...how is that possible? I looked and indeed she was walking
down the stairs with her monkey and her baby doll. She sleeps in a Pack’n’Play with nothing else around her and
she sleeps on the bottom of it so the railing is up to her shoulders. I could not understand how she was able
to get out. I was annoyed but I
was mostly impressed and intrigued with how she did it. I put her back in the crib when Keith
got home for her to show us how she did it and she promptly stood at the edge
and yelled “LOOK AT ME!” and vaulted her leg beside her head and over the
railing. It took her about 3 seconds
to get out of the crib. This is
now a problem at bedtime. The
amusement has also faded away.
That old adage is true....be careful what you wish for.
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